how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
