just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
