we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize