so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
