That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
