Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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