I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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