Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
