I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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