I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
