Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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