ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
