every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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