I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Found the puke drawer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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