my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
