she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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