We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
