just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
