kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
