when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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