Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
