from now on my penis is your penis
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
