i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
