I cockslap morals
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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