walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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