so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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