she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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