do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
