just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
