Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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