There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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