how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
