Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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