I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
