I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
