the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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