If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
