I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
