The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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