how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
