Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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