Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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