Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
