did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
