After last night, I could never be a politician.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
