she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
