I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
