Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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