i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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