i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
