A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
