Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
