Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
