Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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