I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
