when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize