Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
