So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize