when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
