I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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