The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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