Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
