maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
