he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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