we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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