Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
