TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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