I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
