In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize