Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
