apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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