the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
