you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
