mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
