Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
