Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
