He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
