Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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