so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
