have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
