at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
