She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
